(it go too long and too late...my adhd likes to tell me I can do all the things regardless of the time...my adhd also hates editing and proof reading so youre on your own from this point forward)

It’s been a minute. I haven’t wanted to write anything to you or to me or at all lately. I have had nothing to say. Stuck, uninspired, and distracted, not depressed, repressed or bitter but even more shameful is the possibility of superficial, competitive, shallow and somewhat rancorous.

Here’s where I’ve been, seeking magic, and trying to weave threads back into the two parts of my work that at one time were so enmeshed it felt like divine coupling. My innate ability to recognize the palpable vibration that resonates or revulses when an individual experiences either a piece of land for the first time or another person's etheric field for the first time and my deep reverence for servant leadership and skills based sales had become fractured, independently operational, and effective only externally and not internally. I now recognize a coagulation or a congestion that is finally beginning to flow again and as the flow increases I find myself in contact with those who I hold in high esteem and those who I seek on the deepest of levels that interestingly were not a part of my life during this last period of quiet, but seem to  be returning now, as the congestion loosens and my heart reopens.  

Personally I have had some interesting lessons come my way. I have had many opportunities to speak my mind but chose not to and hurried through, I have heard and felt my intuition first whisper and then rumble only to dissipate after casting it aside like an unwanted gesture, I have had urges to push and defend but again chose still and quiet. Only once did I take the time to find and execute my course of action by looking internally and trusting the resonance or revulsion and I know with certainty that the course of action I chose what the right one. The others were a result of looking externally and seeking direction from what I was told was important as opposed to gathering all the information and looking internally, and SURPRISE they carry elements of revulsion, identical to how minor 2nds in a scale sound and feel; itchy, irritating, frustrating, chaotic, dangerous, unproductive and if left to reverberate or God forbid repeat, a sense of ire and resulting emotional explosion is certainly to follow. 

There is no question that not everyone has the desire or the need to look inward, not everyone has a profession or work that requires it of them but I do, and it takes daily commitment and the reaffirming that it is the right way for me to exist both inside and outside of my work. I have not wanted to write, because I have not been inspired, I have not been true to myself and I have shunned and shamed and quieted the very force within me that is needed in my work. The force that allows me to listen deeply, act with leadership and unwavering integrity, and create the space that is needed for the people I work for to move through the process of changing homes, a most uncomfortable and complicated process in almost all instances. It is also the voice that I trust to help me discern between those in my life (both work and personal)  that I need to serve and those who are best served by another. For me, not listening to this voice simply makes me part of the machine and although that works for some, it is the right fit for me.

As I quiet and calm my work for the remainder of the year and observe the changing market, social trends, and the engineering of social behaviors, I can gather the data needed to advise as accurately as possible when I return to active work in January in what will seem like a very new market.
I already feel the momentum that comes from building of newness and innovation. The creation of a course is underway, regular community offerings of education and learning sessions for the public are underway, my probono work in my real estate practice is being resurrected and revamped in preparation of increased foreclosures and my commitment to helping people try to avoid this situation when possible. Soul searching work with my most mystical and gifted coach has finally begun again after many years in hiatus, transformational breathwork will continue later on with a woman so dear to me that I fear I would be lost without her guidance and teaching. As I recommit to being as deeply rooted in facts, business models, leadership and your end game successes as I am in fostering the growth of what calls to me the loudest and pulls me the most intensely I am reacquainted with excitement, vigor and the pursuit of joy, but the funny thing is that I am starkly reminded that unless I pursue my truth first, I cannot serve those that need my truth and my work. By distancing my work from those who do not need it I am free to make myself available to those that do and in the ways that are unique to them.

Here's the reasoning for this retreat into quiet and newness, I will disclose my muse and I promise to summarize effectively.  

The last transaction I did was with a Realtor who is inspiring. We collaborated fluidly, understood the endgame and not once did either of us move the goal posts. We had a job to do that would not get done without honesty, trust, collaboration, ingenuity, and respect for each other, the industry, and the fact that we were the only things that stood in the way of two families very different ideas of success. Upon completion she sent me a photo of the family on the deck of their new home. It was not a photo for promotion, it was a photo that was shared only with me by their realtor so that their joy and thanks could be shared. This was so intimate and generous, I was dumbstruck. Their children were happy and they were happy and we had done everything we could to do everything right. I remembered that THIS is what my work is about. Supporting people as we prepare their “home” to become a “property” so that the family that is looking for it can find it. This is not something that I can do unless I am constantly looking inward and trusting what I find. 

Most recently the joys of a friend, a client, a Mother, sending me a photo of her daughter's wedding could have brought me to my knees and I leaned in hard enough to how and what she was saying that I think I may have been able to feel the love she has for her daughter and son-in-law. To have someone you work for wanting to share with you things that celebrate vulnerability, honesty, pride, joy, success and hope for the future is just not something I am willing to take for granted or overlook, but most notably I am not worthy or capable of receiving these gifts unless I remember to make all my decisions after looking only inward. 

The people I work for are extraordinary, they know, they listen, they trust. Sometimes they are so connected to the source that it is me who takes their lead. When I  marry the two differing parts of what my work is comprised of which is the connection to those I serve and the land on which they make their home along with an unwavering responsibility to facts, expertise, and integrity a synergy is created that is harmonic, magnetic, resonant and divine.